Thursday, December 25, 2008

Photographs and Memories

I have a very good memory but also a neglected one.

My sister scanned in a bunch of old photos and I can remember the events depicted vividly, complete with the strange emotions of a toddler or even infant. (Really! One of the most profound sense of sadness I've ever had in my life was on losing a balloon as a toddler.)

But I don't spend much time in the past. The present is rather demanding, and what's left of my attention I direct toward the future. There are certain (I hope irrelevant) similarities that I've forgotten, such as my own children resembling my sister and I as children. I've never thought of my mom looking much like my sister, but there is a strong favoring from certain angles.

There's a swing-set, for example, in one of the photos which I remembered as being quite formidable (it was, for my uncoordinated 3-year-old self). There's a photo of our tough ol' alley cat, who survived out in the coyote-ridden hills, only to be killed by a German Shepherd breaking into our yard when we moved into a "safer" area. There are dingy couches, high hair and thin ties. There are uncomfortable suits--or at least uncomfortable kids in suits--cigarettes and booze.

I tend to be focused on my children's growth rather than my own decay, which insists on itself in its own way. I think that's probably a good thing.

8 comments:

  1. I tend to be focused on my children's growth rather than my own decay, which insists on itself in its own way.

    We're decaying? ;-) I'll have none of that, thank you!

    But seriously...blake, this seemed a very somber post to me.

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  2. Of course we're decaying! Growth stops by 25, and decay starts shortly thereafter. (There really isn't a plateau in nature, it's either growth or decay.)

    Well, let's say that our bodies are decaying.

    But this is life, yes? It's only somber if you try to pretend otherwise.

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  3. It's not the cigarettes and booze, is it?

    'cause that was just life up until, what, the '80s? Everybody smoked and drank.

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  4. Yes, I know we are...I was teasing you. I don't pretend otherwise, really. But do I actively think of aging that way? No, I don't. And it's not out of denial, either. I believe there are fresh, new gifts we are offered as we age if we are in a place to be receptive to them.

    My "somber" comment was aimed at the whole post, really.

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  5. No, really...it just might be me being oversensitive here. Forgive me. :)

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  6. And I meant "oversensitive" not in regard to our back and forth. I meant in my noting a somber tone.

    Does that make sense? Hope so...I like your writing, always.

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  7. I like being teased. I haven't yet learned the nuances of your prose yet and (as I said elsewhere) I tend to err on the side of caution.

    It's just hard for me to relate to that particular tease because I have a dark sense of humor yet am not very serious. It's occasionally misunderstood. (Though seldom in person.)

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  8. Good to know, blake. And yes, I do think I misunderstood you.

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