Monday, May 4, 2009

Fan Service

I asked, Trooper York answered. What this blog needs, apparently, is more pointy breasts. For those who don't know, by sheer whimsy, the Bit Maelstrom ended up #3 on a search for "pointy breasts" in Google. (Below and above the urban dictionary.) And for most of 2008, visitors came to this site looking for cheesecake. Since I've not posted any real breasts since November, we've slipped a bit, and are now drooping at #13.

I've nothing against breasts, mind you; I've developed no aversion to the fairer sex. It's just a matter of integrity. Or something. I just haven't been watching the right sorts of '50s movies to provide examples. And now that Troop has his own blog, I feel a little like a pretender before his cheesecake-posting grandeur.

Nonetheless, since he made the request, I submit for your approval, one Kim Novak.

More perky than pointy, really.

I love Novak because at 21, she played opposite a 36-year-old William Holden (Picnic), and a 25 she played opposite a 50-year-old Jimmy Stewart (twice, once in Vertigo and once in Bell, Book and Candle), and did it with a gravitas that made it all seem plausible and not creepy.

Scarlett? Natalie? Either Jessica? Lovely and fine though they are, could they carry a Vertigo? Even with broad-shouldered help from a Stewart or Holden? I don't think so.


Grab an umbrella. Unleash hell. Your mileage may vary. Results not typical. If swelling continues past four hours, consult a physician.