Monday, September 15, 2008

Manic Monday Apocalypso: Hard Day On The Planet

Today's Manic Monday Apocalypso--Yeah, I forgot last week's, sue me--is a song. A post-apocalyptic song? Well, no, it's really more apocalyptic, and it's, oh, about 15 years old now, having been written about the time Bush The Elder vomited on the Japanese Prime Minister. ("The President's sick.")

What's nice--I guess--is that it still applies today. The last lines envision an apocalypse, and it's just a good Monday song.

The dollar went down
And the President's sick
Who's in charge, now?
I don't know, take your pick.
A new disease every day
And the old ones are coming back
Things are looking kind of gray
Like they're going to black

Don't turn on the TV
Don't show me the paper
Don't want to know he got kidnapped
Or why they all raped her
I want to go on vacation
'till the pressure lets up
But they keep hijacking airplanes
And blowing them up

It's been a hard day on the planet
How much is it all worth?
It's getting harder to understand it
Things are tough all over on earth

It's hot in December
Cold in July
When it rains it pours
Out of a poisonous sky
In California the body counts
Keep getting higher
It's evil out there
Man, that state's always on fire

Everyone has a system
But they can't seem to win
Even Bob Geldof
Looks alarmingly thin
Got to get on that shuttle
Get me out of this place
But there's gonna be warfare
Up there in outer space

I got clothes on my back
And shoes on my feet
A roof over my head
And something to eat
My kids are all healthy
And my folks are alive (alt: my mom's still alive/Bob Hope's still alive)
You know, it's amazing
But sometimes I think I'll survive

I've got all of my fingers
All of my toes
I'm pretty well off
I guess, I suppose
So how come I feel bad
So much of the time?
A man ain't an island
John Donne wasn't lying

It's business as usual
Some things never change
It's unfair, and unkind and unjust
And it's strange
We don't seem to learn
We can't seem to stop
Maybe some explosions
Might close up the shop

And you know, maybe
That would be fine
'cause we would be
Off the hook, man
We resolved all our problems,
never mind what it took, yeah
And it all would be over,
Finito, the end
Until the survivors
Started up all over again

It'll be a...

Until next Monday, stay radiated, mutants!

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Grab an umbrella. Unleash hell. Your mileage may vary. Results not typical. If swelling continues past four hours, consult a physician.